Maybe Waiting is Better
by Attorney Jose Luis Garcia
From time to time, I have prospective clients come to my office seeking legal advice on divorce. This would seem normal seeing that I am a family law attorney, however, they do not come alone. They come to me with their new significant other. They become intimately involved with someone new before the divorce is final. Unfortunately, these types of cases usually turn horribly spiteful and expensive because there is very little that can turn a divorce case into a thermonuclear war quite like the involvement of one spouse with a new companion.
Florida is a no-fault state. That means that "fault" does not affect any of the issues in the divorce process. Infidelity during the marriage and dating after the divorce process has begun are non-issues in the legal proceedings. The Courts are not much interested in who is the good-spouse or the bad-spouse. That won't make any difference in how property is divided, and it won't change other aspects of the financial divorce. However, reaching an agreement with the other spouse over the marital property may become difficult or impossible if for no other reason than revenge.
It is also important to note that these new relationships may be relevant to custody and visitation decisions. One thing is for sure, if a parent becomes involved with someone new, the children should not be involved in that new relationship. If they do involve the children, they should expect to hear about it in court. Any person who has frequent access to your children may become a target of investigation. If an argument can be made that your new significant other poses a detriment to the children, it can become a factor in custody and visitation issues. The court's concern will be about emotional damage to the children, not the parent's morality.
Psychological, sociological and statistical data tell us that an intimate relationship which starts before a divorce is finalized has very little chance of long-term survival. The new companion may be serving primarily as a distraction, a way to avoid feeling the pain that divorce causes.
The significant other should not be around the children for many reasons that have nothing to do with the quality or character of the significant other but rather the future of the family and the ability to share parenting. When the new relationship dissolves, as it almost certainly will, the children experience another loss, if they've been made a part of that relationship. Children who suffer a series of losses can end up with a sense that it is not safe to develop close relationships. That can impact all of their friendships as well as their own future attitudes about marriage. Mistrust, isolation and loneliness are high prices for children to pay for their parents' bad judgment.
Divorce is usually confusing and scary for kids, especially younger children. They are unsure what will happen to them, despite assurances from parents. I certainly cannot condemn a parent who is no longer committed to her marriage for wanting to be in the company of another. Nor am I suggesting that a divorced parent observe a particular time of abstinence from dating after the divorce is final. I am only saying that kids really aren't that concerned with the legalities of the divorce. Their world is being turned upside down and anything that can lend some stability to their lives during this emotionally trying time is a major plus. Seeing one's dad or mom actively dating during this trying time threatens whatever stability they are trying to hold onto.
People involved in a divorce are wise to avoid any intimate relationships until well after the divorce is final. They can save themselves a lot of aggravation and legal fees, if nothing else. But whatever the grown-ups do to themselves, they should absolutely avoid introducing any new companions to their children until the divorce is over and until there is a solid foundation for the new relationship with some reasonable degree of probability that it will last.
Written by Jose L. Garcia, Esquire of Longwell & Gentle, P.A.; for more information, please contact our office at 407-426-5757.